I wish I had a SQUID. I saw this device in the movie Strange Days. SQUID stands for Superconducting Quantum Interference Device. In the movie, a SQUID records events directly from a person’s cerebral cortex and allows another person to experience every aspect, and I mean every single sensation, of the recorded memory as if he experienced that memory himself. If I had a SQUID, I would record diabetic aspects of my life and share those moments with my GP and endo.
You see, I do not just want my doctors to see a glimpse of my life. I want them to experience my diabetic life. I do not wish to punish them (if that’s what you are thinking). Not at all. I have very good doctors. They care, they ask and they listen. But a bunch of numbers and tests do not paint the whole picture. No doctor can fully understand what some of their patients go through unless they go through it themselves. I want them to see, smell, taste, hear, touch, feel, think and live as I do.
I want them to experience my initial reactions to my diagnosis:
- the fear of suspecting Type 2 diabetes and later the shock of being diagnosed
- the guilt and embarrassment of being a T2 diabetic before I even hit 40
- the confusion as I tried to find answers, deal with diabetes and live with it
- the anger and feeling of injustice of someone who has cleaned up her lifestyle and yet was saddled with a chronic condition
- the disbelief at my mortality
I want them to live through my hard work and struggles to get to a comfortable level of control, and be familiar with my aspirations and battle plan for a long, active, healthy, enjoyable and meaningful life.
I want my doctors to experience my experiments with food and exercise, my moods, my temptations, my stumbles, my highs and my lows. I want them to feel my small triumphs over diabetes.
I want them to be as proud of me as I am of myself for continuing to run, ditching my sugar addiction, cutting simple carbs, from rice, to noodles to floury products from my diet, and enjoying life.
I want them to feel how much I appreciate my husband who copes with, adjusts to and deals with my diabetes and everything that comes with it. It has not been easy for him. Diabetes, whatever the type, affects not just the diabetic but his or her loved ones as well. Sometimes we forget that, and sometimes doctors do not our loved ones into account.
Then, I want my doctors to use the experience to become better diabetes doctors, and be figures of hope and inspiration to their diabetic patients.